Living Life Day after Day

After taking a break from social media and this blog, I am ready to reengage with deeper things. Throughout Todd’s illness, he readily put me in the center of his thoughts. I often got frustrated that he wanted to talk about what life would be like for me when he gained his angel wings. I just wanted to enjoy every last moment I had with him here, as I knew I would figure out the rest on the other side.

What a gift it is for me to hear his voice over these years! I hear him say often, “Sweetheart, our kids and our friends will continue their lives. You will be the one who is figuring out what your new normal looks like.” I didn/t want to focus on this while he was here with me. Now I see how much he loved and cared so deeply for me as he walked through this journey with so many in his counseling practice.

Today, as I met with ‘his bank’ I was so encouraged! They walked me through difficult things, and also asked about his blog. They shared how they followed ‘our’ story and wondered if I planned to write again. This was an incredible God wink as I’ve struggled with how to move forward, while also treasuring our past.

Embarking on a new year, I am definitely feeling all the things. I am searching for deep connections. I realize I limited those to Todd and a very few friends. Those connections where I can be fully vulnerable, known, and loved no matter what. I am taking brave steps to move into new circles as I discover safety in being fully known.

I am grateful for Todd’s voice and daily affirmations I hear. What an incredible blessing he’s been in my life! I’m grateful I get to see this play out in the lives of our adult children.

As I’m seeking guidance from our Abba Father, I’m pondering if today’s encounter was a nudge to start writing again.

I can affirm this widow journey is new every day. Some days, I have clarity and purpose, while other days, I am lost, unfocused, and drifting.

Today, I’m grateful for a gentle nudge to continue to share ‘our’ story. May you always know, “You are loved and of great value!”